n is for new people

I look like a 'cutie-pie' (barf) but I'm actually quite a serious dog.  My parents call me a fuddy-duddy because I can get nervous in unfamiliar circumstances and I don't warm up easily to new people.  I was shy as a pup (they think I may have been the runt) and then I became protective of mommy and the house - barking at strangers that came to the door or spoke to us at the park.  Now that I have a baby sister to protect as well, I'm weary of some other dogs too.  

It's funny - I can't really explain it in a way humans can understand because I don't think you guys have the same special powers we dogs do - but I can tell a nice dog from a foul one ages away!  It doesn't matter if they're bigger or smaller than me, (I've had some of the best plays with Pit-bulls and German Shepherds) all that matters is their intention and I can always tell.  

Mommy says she wishes she had my ability to see humans for what they truly are from a distance the way I can with dogs.  I have to admit, it's harder with people but my policy has always been to proceed with caution with brand new people and slowly I think Dorothy is coming around to my approach as well. She used to run at everyone and jump on them or demand pats and cuddles straight away but after a few (not so polite) encounters, she's learnt what I've always known: that some people don't like dogs all over them and that although kids look fun, they are rough!

Kids are the ones I'm most weary of, especially when they come over to our place!  When they're inside the house, they HAVE to touch our toys - even the special ones Dorothy and I keep all to ourselves AND our most favorite and special toys too!  All the while, we aren't allowed to get upset or mommy puts us outside.  Even if they touch our bones!  When this happens, I sit outside and think: is it any wonder that a dog can take a while warming up when these kids come storming into our house, mess up our toys, pull our hair or dress us up!  I hope mommy and daddy never have one of their own.... Sharing them and my toys with Dorothy was bad enough!

Bath time

We got our baths today and Dorothy's such a suck up: she acts like she actually enjoys the whole thing but I know it's all an act to make mommy smile and say 'ooo that's so adorable, you're such a good girl Dorothy' and 'I wish Baxter enjoyed his bath times like you do.' 

I don't think this makes me look bad, I think it's the other way around!  There's not a dog anywhere in its right mind that likes a bath!  From start to finish it's a horrible experience: first there's the loud water filling up the tub so we can't hear anything else in the house, making us feel compromised! Then the water goes everywhere and gets inside our ears!  Next there's the overpowering smell of the soap followed by the way humans insist on getting in between our toes and under our tails!  It's just dreadful.

Although I'm cooperative during bath time, it's only to guarantee a smooth (and most importantly quick) process.  I stand frozen just trying to make out any sounds from outside the bathroom to ensure mommy's safety - even though at this moment she's badly mistreating me! I hold my breath so I don't inhale more soap than I have to and I tighten my body while mommy pulls and rubs every one of my limbs.  Once I'm finally out of the tub, I do a quick perimeter search then I shake at least ten times to get every last drop of the horrible feeling water off me. Then I run around the house, brushing myself against every soft surface I can find and attempt to bury my head in the couch cushions, the floor rugs or the blanket on the bed. I hate the clean smell and wet feeling and want it gone ASAP!

Dorothy, on the other hand, is not in her right mind.  She's little miss suck-up, fakey-fake and splishes and splashes the water all around as the tub fills up - no concern for her surrounds or the fact that every other sound in the house is drowned out - she actually makes it worse with all her flopping about!  Mommy throws a toy in the tub for her and Dorothy goes nuts hitting it with her paw or attempting to dive under the water to retrieve it.  Once mommy's wet her all over and puts the shampoo on, Dorothy starts to lick mommy's hands cause she (apparently) loves the taste and smell of it.  I watch with disgust as she then begins to close her eyes and stomp her back leg in pretentious pleasure at being rubbed with shampoo.  She doesn't even try to jerk her legs away from mommy as mommy takes her time cleaning in between her toes.  Once she's rinsed off and mommy's wrapped her in a towel, Dorothy does anything to stay wrapped up in that towel for as long as it takes.  She somehow pulls off the fake act of 'loving' the wet towel feeling all over her.   Mommy holds her like this for a while and Dorothy actually falls asleep!  Like the house could be burning down for all she cares! She has no sense of duty that dog.

...Or maybe she feels safe knowing that I'm taking care of her and the house; just like mommy does.

Total invasion

It's happened!  Everything I feared has come to pass: our yard has become a free-for-all of invading animals.  First it started with the squirrels acting like they owned the place; now a nasty, sneaky neighbors-cat has heard that our yard is defenseless and has started coming over as well!  And mommy still won't let me out!  How can she let this happen?  I mean, who does she think will protect this house while daddy's at work?  I'm seriously not happy about this. 

Look, even Dorothy - my oblivious to everything sister - can now see this is getting out of hand!  It's happening just like I thought: I'm becoming known as the pushover of the street.  I bark my loudest barks and growl my deepest, most threatening growls at this pompous cat but she just sits there smirking at me - knowing she's safe because the squirrels have told her I can't come outside.  

Now that the squirrels and cats are invading at full force - what's next? A bear?!!  Oh, if only I was an outside dog.  There wouldn't be so much as a spider in my yard!

Squirrels taking over the yard

The squirrels around our new place drive me crazy!  No matter which window I look out of during the day; there's a squirrel sitting there, smug as anything and taunting me because I'm stuck inside.  As a city dog, a squirrel is nothing but a toy to me - something to chase when I go the park; so why are they always hanging around the windows when they know I'm stuck inside?  

Turns out there's lots I don't know about squirrels, like how arrogant they could be!  Treating my yard like their own!  Sometimes they run around the whole house - I see them through the front window and bark to let them know my play time's not till later and that they aren't welcome back until then but they tease me in the most annoying way!  It's like they're saying "nah nah, you're in there and can't do anything about it" and run around to my bedroom window where they wait for me to tease me some more.   I already know that's what's going on, so I follow down the hallway, barking about the injustice of it the whole time thinking I'll teach you some manners but when they spot me, they just infuriatingly twitch their tail: "nah nah" and carry on to the backyard where I can always see them through the back door.  

That's when the real taunting begins and by now I''m so mad, I'm shaking!  I bark louder as they climb and swing off the trees, or scale the fence - twitching their tails the whole time.  At first, I used to run to mommy and beg her to let me at them but now I've given up since she always just says: "you have to get used to them Baxter, you need to share the yard." Grrrr! Share the yard?  Doesn't she understand that it's a matter of honor?  I will become the laughing stock of the neighborhood at this rate!  A few times I pretended I had to pee so she's let me out but she didn't fall for that either. 

It's so bad, these squirrels rile me up every day and there's nothing I can do but sit by the backdoor growling my annoyance at their invasion of my yard.  I just hope they remember: once mommy opens this door for my potty break I'm going after them! And this time, I'll get 'em!