Thursday, November 21, 2013

Bath time

We got our baths today and Dorothy's such a suck up: she acts like she actually enjoys the whole thing but I know it's all an act to make mommy smile and say 'ooo that's so adorable, you're such a good girl Dorothy' and 'I wish Baxter enjoyed his bath times like you do.' 

I don't think this makes me look bad, I think it's the other way around!  There's not a dog anywhere in its right mind that likes a bath!  From start to finish it's a horrible experience: first there's the loud water filling up the tub so we can't hear anything else in the house, making us feel compromised! Then the water goes everywhere and gets inside our ears!  Next there's the overpowering smell of the soap followed by the way humans insist on getting in between our toes and under our tails!  It's just dreadful.

Although I'm cooperative during bath time, it's only to guarantee a smooth (and most importantly quick) process.  I stand frozen just trying to make out any sounds from outside the bathroom to ensure mommy's safety - even though at this moment she's badly mistreating me! I hold my breath so I don't inhale more soap than I have to and I tighten my body while mommy pulls and rubs every one of my limbs.  Once I'm finally out of the tub, I do a quick perimeter search then I shake at least ten times to get every last drop of the horrible feeling water off me. Then I run around the house, brushing myself against every soft surface I can find and attempt to bury my head in the couch cushions, the floor rugs or the blanket on the bed. I hate the clean smell and wet feeling and want it gone ASAP!

Dorothy, on the other hand, is not in her right mind.  She's little miss suck-up, fakey-fake and splishes and splashes the water all around as the tub fills up - no concern for her surrounds or the fact that every other sound in the house is drowned out - she actually makes it worse with all her flopping about!  Mommy throws a toy in the tub for her and Dorothy goes nuts hitting it with her paw or attempting to dive under the water to retrieve it.  Once mommy's wet her all over and puts the shampoo on, Dorothy starts to lick mommy's hands cause she (apparently) loves the taste and smell of it.  I watch with disgust as she then begins to close her eyes and stomp her back leg in pretentious pleasure at being rubbed with shampoo.  She doesn't even try to jerk her legs away from mommy as mommy takes her time cleaning in between her toes.  Once she's rinsed off and mommy's wrapped her in a towel, Dorothy does anything to stay wrapped up in that towel for as long as it takes.  She somehow pulls off the fake act of 'loving' the wet towel feeling all over her.   Mommy holds her like this for a while and Dorothy actually falls asleep!  Like the house could be burning down for all she cares! She has no sense of duty that dog.

...Or maybe she feels safe knowing that I'm taking care of her and the house; just like mommy does.

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